Sunday, February 22, 2009

Oscar: Fourth Post

Not edited, becayse once I edit I lower myself to




9:16 Horse and Brit for something.

9:16: Must have peanut butter in her mouth. Bond makes here talk by adding or taking away crunch. It is for production designer, what does that mean? Producer? Designer? I can do that with my fecal matter on a Tuesday.

9:17: DDuchess guy should win, or Dark Knights guy.

9:18: The designer of Ben's button wins. I disagree, New Orleans isn't a real town anymore so any past history of it is inconsequiential.

9:20: Costume Dersigner nominees, the difference between oscar and porn award.

9:21: To quote the horse, "The award goes to the duchess Michael O'Conner". Haha, clothing stuff, duchess, a guy. There was probably different timing but still, that is one homophobic horse.

9:23: God damn, Bond ride your clydesdale the fuck into the sunset. Now we get makeup awards.

9:24: Ben's button and how it mysterious went away wins again for a shitty technical award.

9:25: I WON AN AWARD!!! LET ME READ A LIST OF PEOPLE I MET WHEN MAKING THIS FILM! MY DICK ONLY INSERTS INTO THINGS THAT HAVE INSTRUCTIONS!

9:26: HIGH SCHOOL TWILIGHT, or something! I want to die.


9:27: Some romance bullshit.*

*Not seen: My mind and the idea of the Oscars and Hollywood not fellating itself for two months during award season. I would break my dick off in that whore.

9:29: Go back to facebook captions.

9:30: Wait....that wasn't an award just scene? Oh, ABC you are clever foxes.

9:32: Ben Stiller is doing an identical joke about Jauquin Pheonix that was on last night's Spirit awards, which was filmed days before that.

9:33: Hollywood loves it. Ron Howard wants to fuck the schtick.

9:34: Oh the award is for best cinematography. And the Jauquin joke goes on despite being old two weeks ago.

9:35: Did a voice over to read the nominees in his normal voice, way to play the joke out.

9:35: Anthony Mantle wins for SLumdog Millionaire. Then sticks his limp dick in the speech.

9:37: Beer me, back in a bit.

9:39: Some chick is talking. Some animation and god talk, so I assume that only robin williams comes out.

9:40: I was wrong, it was an old human.

9:42: I want to see the dead people catagory.

9:42: Some Pineapple Express scetch.

9:44: One good line, anyone else tired of Seth and the whole Judd Apatow crew? They can recover with "Observe and Report", I think it has promise if they don't go straight down the same lines they've done.

9:46: Not funny. Lots of lights.

9:47: James, Frank and Seth present for best live action short. Otherwise known as the award for a filmed scene that more than 20 people saw so it is popular but less than 30 people saw so it isn't the cool thin.

9:47: New Boy is up. If you haven't seen it go see "Oldboy". No relation. Great movie.

9:53: hugh is singing again. He's good and can dance, but I don't like it. Too many guys in top hats, reminds me of 1997.

9:54: Beyonce??? I think. She's whoreish.

9:54: Beyonce's??? thighs could crush my windpipe quicker than something that crushes quickly.

9:55: A MELODY! Grease was first which I hate to be used in any popular culture setting.

9:55: That one song with women singing, still too menstruatal.

9:56: Taghsdngsahdg, that guy from something is on stage now, and I think it is high nschoool musical, and a guy that looks like bam margera is singing, I don't know these people so therefore they aren't worth their weight in citigroup stock. ha, economy. It sucks. Our future.

9:57: I love "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", one of my favorite songs of all time. Especially when IZ sings it. Absolutely the epitome of heartwarming music. But the fuck my perception of this song and any sort of legitemate art.

9:59: I want to black out and not remember anything. But wait, a Ryan Reynolds and Julia Roberts movia ad! Life is worth much much more in suicide now.

10:02: Chris Walken.

10:02: Besides Chris there are otehr clips of speeches adding on to the already too long speeches that the oscars are known for. Great programming producers.

10"03: Best Supporting Actor. Presenters are Chris Walken yes, Kevin Kline yes, Cuba asoidgnsdogi boo, Joel Grey Yes, and another guy.

10:04: HEath Ledger win coming up.

10:04; Philip Seymour Hoffman joke. To me, one of the two greatest actors of my young life. But won't win tonight. He's won before for Capote and will win again.

10:05: I'm cold.

10:05: Awkward Josh Brolin introduction.

10:06: Robert Downey Jr. Great actor. Should not be nominated for this role. It's funny, but not great acting, and Cuba makes white/fake black people stealing from black people. Oh funny.

10:08: Crowd loves Heath's intro....who will win?????? Better yet, who will accept for him?

10:09: Heath wins, as he should. His parents and sister accept. Well done.

10:09: Was Sean Penn just bawling his eyes out?

10:10: New game...how many actors can we zoom in on catching them fake holding back tears about Mr. ledger?

10:10: Can any industry milk a death more than hollywood.

10:11: Heath's sister is hot, accepts the award for heath's daughter.

10:11: I think besides hollywood, sports and politics are the only professions that actually profit off death with out dealing in death.

10:12: Best Documentary. WIll be Man on Wire.

10:13: It had the best collection of interviews/lead in shit to a award.

10:15: Man on Wire won.

10:15: I've love the few documentaries I've seen by Werner Herzog. I think he'll win someday. My favorite documentary director. I also think he'll get a lifetime achievement award in the next 5 years.

10:17: More flaccid shit.

10:17: More me going away to get a drink and doo stuff.

10:20: Live blogging is fucking exhausting.

10:21: You guys know of a place I can store my penis. Perhaps a yellow roofed warm garage?

10:23: Tom Cruise. Not weird/gay.

10:224: More shitty music...the vines? it sounds like them.

10: WHy does trying to be hip mean being a fucking tool of the popular music industry and their coporate tie ins?

10:26: Will Smith came out to The Dark Knight's music. Is he a knight or just dark?

10:27: VFX=Button's bent over ass. This just keeps adding up to The Curious Case of Benjamin Button not winning any real award.

10:29: Oh, Will said "boom goes the dynamite" he knows what all of us normies are talking about. He's awesome I hope he plays a kind of poor guy getting his shit together in his next movie.

10:30: Dark Knight wins for SFX.

10:31: Sopund mixing. Still fresh prince. Why do they hold out to the end and then wait for one person to love their own voice to present these awards.

10:34: God damn, will is in for anotrher award. Get jazzy jeff in ther efor one at least. We tire of one person.

10:36: Film Editing goes to: My porno!. no, my porno was put together pretty shittily.

10:36: Slumdog wins for editing.

10:37: At this point my facbook captioning is much more enjoyable. But I'll be back after I go shit out of my cock and get another liguid to please my gullet. Splet wrong.

10:43: Eddie Murphy (used to be good) talks about Jerry's Kids (always kind of bad).

10:44: I've got tears.

10:44: Jerry deserves it.

10:46: An awesomely short speech by Jerry but still pretty meaningful.

10:47: I know I come across as a dick but I honestly cry more than the normal person whilst watching movies. It might be due to my life or just that I have a vagina for a face. But I'm not ashamed, I like it because it means I'm human and that I'll die soon.

10:50: The broadcast is slowing down a lot.

10:51: Doing an orchestral show of the nominees for best score. fine, the scores area ll amazing asidfngab asod4ajksdgb but fuck not on prime time wihen you want ratings.

10:51: going away for abit, to drink adn console myself. I can't spell that word, consoul? console? counsol? coudnseEsgf?

10:54: actually that was kind of beautiful.

10:54: HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL MOTHER FUCKERS WHO HAVE NO SOUL!

10:55: THey give an oscar from their own soul, so no one gets an oscar.

10:55: When the fuck is Rothbury going to announce thier line up?

10:56: Slimdog has won the last three awards announced.

10:56: Slumdog is up for two fo the nominees and space vibrator is up for the third.

10:57; Neil Malhotra si singing and the drummers from the beginning of the 2008 olympics are doing their art.

10:58: John Legend is wiping his velvetly smooth voice all over my ass.

11:00: It looks like now Sushil and Jucenta are out dropping their works.

11:01: Steve adn Naveen have crossed over, and they gave a solid finale.

11:02: Zach die.

11::02: Down to earth wins. preiction

11:02: One of the slumdog songs win..........the more they win early one the more I think they won't win the big ones. That or they will swepp a shit ton of awards.

11:03: Ok, a lot of awards are coming up and I need tod rink much more. Foreign language film is next so I"m take a five or ten minute break.

11:11: YEAHHHHHHHHH! The people who are dead. Queen Latifah introduces them but comes across like she is saying that she and other people deserve to know them more than we do. What a queen. She is adude right?

11:12: Who gets the biggest cheer? I vote tom Shannon.

11:13: Wow, michael chrichton died.

11:13 Roy Schieder got a disappointing clap.

1l:15: Charleston HEston= Sad

11:16: Sydny Pollack went over well.

11:17: The winner was Paul Newmen though. And I should have guessed that, it was pretty obvious. Tommy was even in the montage. But he helped to creat about 60 percent of the films in the late seventies, but was unknown. Kind of like me tampons.

11:18: Hugh made a joke about Bush about a month a week too late. But he is foreign so he should dead.

11:19: Reese does an ok but dumb job of introducing best director. But then makes a ben stiller joke and gets laughs but dies in the air.


11:19: I love so many of these directors for past works taht it sucks that they are nominated for lesser works.

11:21: Danny wins for SLumdog, such a shock that the vibe I taped onto my prostate couldn't even shock me enough to not kiss hugh grant.

11:22: A brit.

11:22: There were many great nominees but sad that Darren Aronofsky didn't get nominated.

10:22: In my short life, by far the best director of the films I've seen.

11:26: Best actress award. Halle is out and she's ok, nicole looks good as well. BOth are women who can be crazy hot and also ugly.

11:27: Austin is trying to talk to me, excuse me, there are women on tv so fuck that.

11:30: A fucking plastic surgery beast.

11:32: Still no winner.

11:33: Katie wins.

11:35: An ok speech. I've liked her since eternal, so I'm a bit biased.

11:35: But she looked like shit. And by shit, still pretty hot and she gave it up to Sydney.

11:36: Every year we talk about how speeches go too long and this year the academy is still show clips of old speeches.

11:37: I finally cut off my hyprocrite detector and I die.

11:37: Ok, so the getting old winners ot say shit is getting dumb. I don't want cy young to come out announce that ass injection roger won the most hopped up award this year.

11:39: Mickey should win. I hope he wins. Sean Penn, is great, Bobby introduced him great, but he brough up I AM SAM which was shit. But Mickey deserves it.

11:40: Also, I do love Richard Jenkins. He has been 'that guy' for too many years.

11:41: Still I think Mickey Wins. Brad Pitt does not deserve it for this film. Maybe another Fincher film though, but not this film.

11:43:Bull shit.

11:43: Sean penn only won because the academy loves actors who play real life persons and prop 8.

11:44: I'm done blogging the oscars. This just goes to prove that the academy is a horrible group of people to decide these awards.

They shot down Ellen Burstyn so many years ago and that was the first shame of my life.

I mean, I love Sean Penn, I love Gus, I love this film, but this award was too motivated by the scene of the people they vote on.

Nobody in the academy wants to stand up and say hey lets not be predictable dicks and cater to those who ultimately pay our checks.










I want to commit seppuku. Does anyone care about my opinion?

I think no.



Best movie I've seen in the past three weeks.......The Seventh Seal. Plus "The Grateful Dead Movie" even though they hated it it made me want to live in a time that cottage cheese was used as a lube.


Alright. Michgan lost today and I"m not popping up so fuck you all.

1 comment:

DL Murphy said...

by far the best oscar reporting in the last two years. good analysis--you obviously know film and the industry. the sprinkled humour (i'm a dick hipster) was refreshing. now i'm going to read the facebook captions