Rude

Last night I was in the local shop looking to purchase beer. I asked someone working there where I could find some King Cobra. He replied, "We don't have that swill here."

I was appalled that such a meaningless and ugly human being would dare such effrontery towards someone of my blazing good looks and social standing. If Pope John Paul II was still on Earth he would never allow something like this to happen, but it happens that him and David Icke were taken away for getting too close to uncovering the truth behind the reptilian humanoid bloodline that is secretly controlling the world. Look it up, it is all true.

Christmas

The only thing I got for Christmas was a dildo up my ass. Granted my list looked like this
1. No dildo up my ass
2. Dildo up my ass
3. An eye popping orgasm
And I never get what I really want.

Pretty Colors

I always thought it was insane that we call the color red, red. I am partial to calling it 'itharoo'. But I made that word up and whenever I use people just assume I'm foreign. And I hate Adam Levine. He isn't foreign or anything, I just wish he was.

Walking

I hate people who walk faster/slower than me. They always seem to get in my way somehow and annoy me. Sometimes I wish I couldn't walk at all, that would show those assholes for upstaging me.

Rich Rodriguez

A few quick thoughts on Michigan hiring Rich Rodriguez as our new football coach.

1. He'll bring the exciting spread offense to the Big Ten which we all know the tOSU can't stop right now, the same way we can't.

2. He supposedly slept with cheerleaders while at WVU, we don't have to worry about him doing that here cause none of our cheerleaders are hot enough.

3. Some of his dealings with WVU administration over the past few days has been very dickish, don't know whether that is really him or just the way WVU is trying to spin things.

4. It now looks like there is a good chance Terrelle Pryor might commit to play here. He is the number one quarterback recruit in the nation, very mobile and athletic. He is also the number 28 overall recruit in basketball. I'd much rather have him on the field running Coach Rod's offense than Ryan Mallet.

5. Ryan Mallet might transfer, if we do get Pryor, to some Texas school, which is where he grew up. So the hottest phrase of the year, to Mallet something, might be moving south.

6. Pryor has expressed interest in going to tOSU in the past and has some relationships with other players thinking of going there. According to rivals.com he might try to bring them up the road to Ann Arbor with him, if he does come, which would bring our recruiting class for this year into the top 10, currently 14th, and knock tOSU down a bit.

7. We already have Sam McGuffie as commitment to play running back for us. He is the number back coming to college next year and would fit Rodriguez's style fine. If we have Pryor and McGuffie in our backfield it won't be long until they resemble Pat White and Steve Slaton.

8. One bad thing will be our linemen. We typically recruit a line that is large and powerful, not the light footed linemen needed to run this system. That would be our weakest point in the offense for sure. That and we would lose our history of explosive receivers a bit.

I'm very happy about this hire. Granted, if we don't get Pryor to commit it will take a few seasons to really see Coach Rod's offense take shape. Mallet did run a spread in high school taking snaps only in shotgun but he isn't mobile. Hopefully the offense can be molded around his skills in that case. We'll only have to wait until signing day on Feb. 9 to see what shape our offense will take next season.

Snow

We have gotten a lot of snow fall in the recent days and it shows no signs of melting for the next 3 months. Whenever there is this much snow on the ground it always makes me wonder two things. One, why did Jesus love snow so much? Two, why does he always want it to fall around his birthday in the north?

Sometimes I just don't understand the virgin birthed deity.

Tequila

The bottles of El Toro tequila have a tiny hat for the bottle cap. I like to wear the said hat on my penis. I go up to the ladies and have the following talk...

Me: I'm part mexican.

Lady: Really? How much?

Me: About eight inches.

The Ladies

I once went into a unisex bathroom after a very attractive woman left it and it smelled like rocket fuel had a baby with Steve Buscemi's look. Not all too pleasant.

The woman did however have on a very nice apricot perfume that was pleasing and telling to any man who caught a whiff of it.

I can never look at a dried apricot the same way.

Dreams

My group of friends frequents a bar that has two dollar pitchers on Monday and Wednesday nights. On Monday nights we always have the same waitress and we have quite the nice rapport with her. The bar is never very crowded on the nights so we talk to her a bit and she brings us cheap beer, and has even been known to let some of us stay after closing for free drinks. This is merely information regarding the upcoming part.

I had a conversation with my friend about two dreams he had last night. And it went as such...

Friend: I had a dream we went to the bar and 'waitress' was there and I bitched her out.

Me: That's pretty freaky.

Friend: Then I dreamt that 'other friend' was the punt returner for Michigan.

Me: I think that is more realistic and possible than you bitching out 'waitress'.


I stand by that, she brings us 60oz. of beer for only 2 dollars. You can't bitch at someone who does that.

Masochist

I bet when male masochists get a headache they have a hard time hiding their erection.