It ain't the club kid era

There was once a girl I really liked and she asked me back to here place. After a glass of wine I excused myself to the bathroom and found some hairspray. I immediately pulled my few remaining pubes out and sprayed them straight.

I went back to room and dropped my pants and said, "I'm so horny that not only is Brown Crown One erect but also my pubic hair is hard as a throbbing cock.



Later that night, I paid for a hooker.

That hooker later turned out to be a post office drop box. I lost 50 bucks and only ejaculated twice.

Step 1: Pay idiots, Phase 2: , Phase 3: Profits

While driving to the local food shop I noticed something odd. Just outside of town there is a Nie Funeral Home, and right by it there is a rather sharp dangerous turn. Either this is a coincidence or Nie is a genius killing house.

If I were them I would go to High School Musical fan clubs and pay the people there to drive at excessive speeds around that particular bend in the road. Because they obviously hate themselves and life (even if they don't realize it), and it would be a favour (look I'm British! or a dick hipster) to the rest of us non-subnormals.

Amy Poehler at the bank

I went to the bank today, a Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation backed bank (yeah I've got that kind of money), to deposit a few rent checks from my housemates. The female clerk asked me for my ID, to show that I was really Mr. Mustache On or Off, and replied with "Let me see your ID." She then proceeded to menstruate all over an important piece of legislation. It was only then that I recognized my clerk as H. R. Clinton.

French Onion Soup and a BLT

I was at a restaurant the other day and order some unsweetened iced tea, of course the the flipper armed thalidomide child brought me sweetened. The raged swelled in me like the blood filling an erection and I finally erupted and only left him a 15% tip.

High Finances

I've decided that this week I'm getting all of my money out of the banks and investments and going to Chuck E. Cheese and convert my savings into tokens. I believe that the Chuck E. Cheese token is more secure than the American dollar. Plus, let's say that the communist take over, people with money in the banks will probably be fucked, but we all know that nobody would destroy Chuck E. Cheese, so my tokens will still be good and I can play some skeeball while you all eat potatoes all day.