Summer of Charlotte's Web

When I sit on the porcelain god in the bathroom I use at my house I have a friend in very close proximity. He is a tiny spider who has created a web in the corner of my bathroom. He is about a foot from my knee once I assume the position. I'd guess his body to be about 1/5 an inch all together, so by no means a gnat but not quite my penis.

I call him Rupert, he looks like a Rupert, what with his bow tie and leprosy. We talk and he helps me relax my sphincter ani externus.

My only worry is that recently he's been talking about Sam Berkowitz's dog.

The Ladies

I once went into a unisex bathroom after a very attractive woman left it and it smelled like rocket fuel had a baby with Steve Buscemi's look. Not all too pleasant.

The woman did however have on a very nice apricot perfume that was pleasing and telling to any man who caught a whiff of it.

I can never look at a dried apricot the same way.