Providing common STD's

I don't want to blame my neighbors for herpes, but come on, they are whores. And they let me fuck their asses on day naught.

Fellini's "8 1/2"

My second biggest fear in life behind Rachel Ray is that someday I'll be performing cunnilingus and a crab or perhaps multiple crabs will jump from their house above beaver lodge and take up residence in my stache.

Steroids

This whole steroid/PED controversy is getting extreme. Bud Selig and MLB are back in front of congress today testifying, because congress obviously has nothing better to do right now. Which brings to mind the old joke...if pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress? Hahahaha, fuck my ass that is funny.

Backne to steroids now, but in the New York Times yesterday was the story about many entertainment stars have been linked to steroid usage, be it for muscle building or antiaging effects. They stars range from no big surprise (50 Cent) to someone you wouldn't initially suspect (Mary J. Blige) to just big shockers (Wyclef Jean).

Here at Mustache On or Off want to make our stance on steroids and performance enhancing drugs clear. We do not endorse their usage. My mustache is all natural and the result of hard work, many cigarettes, countless alcoholic beverages and many blacked out hours.

So remember kids, get your mustache the natural way and you'll be giving out the best mustache rides available before you know it.