Hagakure

An old samurai man once told me that the tightest you go is the worst marriage.

I should have trusted him, cause the tighest hole I knew was Yamamoto Tsunetomo and he went all seppuku on me.

Judas before the offer

Every time I look at the carpet I'm afraid she has a message, like a vagina. Except she's not pink and I don't have to pay for it.

Hemingway

"I don't play with madness. Madness don't play."

I thought I understood those words. But I didn't and still don't.

But replace 'madness' with 'the drink' and I've got a PhD.

Jerry Falwell? Not bad.

It isn't so much that the angels were tiptoeing on the rooftops as much as they were dancing on the awnings. They were much closer and moving in a much more violent beautiful way.

Forty Year Old Dead Man

I'm sweet. Your nipple. Fuck my left prostate exam.


If you don't come with hard shit, my life killers will fuck you up.

21st Century Jesus

I want the fucking cheese to stop.

I'm not you friend, I'm the famous band member, I'm not your family member, I'm not anything.

Just enjoy.

Someday, we'll know that the best art might come from John shitting on the Bus Station's Light.

My lube is running dry

A random iTunes song is the same as saying I want a random person to make love to me. In the old days I could lie on the most satin bed and hope for Bea Arthur to ride my dick for hours, but if Dean Martin starts fucking my ass and I could do nothing until I expelled seminal fluid. But these days, once I see Dean with that look in his eyes I move over to Frank, and he reams the fuck out of me.


Napster? For hits?

Pre-Olympic Sports

Today was the MLB trade deadline. And there were quite a few blockbuster trades. None involving my favorite player though, Sandy Koufax.

His arm action was and still is almost unheard off. He was quasi-forced off the field. To me he is the Alisan Porter of baseball. Even though she obviously came years later. And fuck dodger dogs. Get more full of your self west coast. Yeah the east coast sucks and you try to pair up with them but you can do better.

A finishing sentence that has www

The course I was playing on was riddle with Xzibit. I granted him an audience but rest of my trip was still coarse. I thought my ride had been pimped but fuck my kneecap I was wrong.

Wrong as Woodrow Wilson.

Sautee

Dude man, my onion winked at me. She said, I can't peel myself away from you. Then I took my santoku knife and cut the shit out of her. Just like Princess Di.

Pure Americana

And I...

And I...

And I...

And I...

And I popped a zit on my ass.

But I had a funny post before that, but my alcoholism made me forget it.

Snow

We have gotten a lot of snow fall in the recent days and it shows no signs of melting for the next 3 months. Whenever there is this much snow on the ground it always makes me wonder two things. One, why did Jesus love snow so much? Two, why does he always want it to fall around his birthday in the north?

Sometimes I just don't understand the virgin birthed deity.