Thursday, July 24, 2008

Love still happens

I know I've been wrong in my posts.

But I've tried to be happy.

And I am now, my sister got engaged and her husband to be is quite amazing.

And that makes me happy.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Small Texas Town

My mom used to say, "I brought you into this world, I can take you out of it."

My mom also once asked, "Why doesn't Niagara Falls run out of water?"

Thusly, I don't believe that she pushed me out of her uterus.


I know I'm crude, but where am I going to run to.

Search out Nina Simone.

C. Palmer inside of Big Daddy Anderson

I drove to the store about a week ago. The store being Kroger. I came to a four way stop sign intersection. I put my hand out and gave the signal that a Major League Umpire gives for a home run. All cars respecting my stache floored it and collided.

Amy Poehler at the bank

I went to the bank today, a Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation backed bank (yeah I've got that kind of money), to deposit a few rent checks from my housemates. The female clerk asked me for my ID, to show that I was really Mr. Mustache On or Off, and replied with "Let me see your ID." She then proceeded to menstruate all over an important piece of legislation. It was only then that I recognized my clerk as H. R. Clinton.

A finishing sentence that has www

The course I was playing on was riddle with Xzibit. I granted him an audience but rest of my trip was still coarse. I thought my ride had been pimped but fuck my kneecap I was wrong.

Wrong as Woodrow Wilson.

The Ted Kennedy Rule

Right now I am at home after going to a bar that sells very cheap pitchers of beer that is served to us by a waitress who knows my group of friends quite well. We don't have to show IDs and she automatically brings over the beer to us when we walk in.

But this post is not about that. This post is about the fact that I am drinking a fine smoked whiskey right now that a fellow left at my house. And that I am playing "Grandia" an RPG originally released for the first Playstation. Also, I'm listening to STS9.

So to sum up, never have a threesome with a blonde and a redhead. Shit won't balance out, trust me.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Volcan Raven

I was outside of my house and enjoying the fresh air when two non-sober gals walked by. They came up to me and started talking to me. I dropped the chlamydia word and they ran off with their juices retreating into their labium.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Why I Might Start Drinking More

I like bluegrass music. But I hate the bluegrass state. And I hate the state of popular music today.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008


I have a confession to make, my left nipple has an awkward resemblance to an ovoid alien creature. Just more humanoid in nature. So to steal a name of a band "* ******* ******".

Left Turn by Tumbhill

God damn, nobody thinks I have anything of any substance to say.

But I still say, Yates and Schlosser are still using the American love of "Craziness due to God" defense to get off the hook.

And there are many others. Also I'm watching a commercial for 'Girls Gone Wild: The Craziest Bar in America" of the hottest commercials my young hot male body has seen.

Raonoke of my asics

Friends are the sweet bees that suck on the teat of Henry Clay.

We all compromise our love to friendship, not let us upset the status quo.

Kevin Bacon

I was happy until I realized that I was sitting in my living room by myself with 'Futurama' on the T.V. on mute and singing along with music played over a P.A. that my friend left a few months ago. I looked out the window half thinking someone would be raging with me but I only found an empty street.

But then I stood up and tumbled on an amp cord.


Walking to the village apothacary today I sensed that I wasn't in a village anymore.

That was the last time I said I was japanese.

A time that a fox didn't kill a peacock

I am reminded of a night during a time in my middle school years that I watched Disney's cartoon "Robin Hood" and after that night the fox that kept on seducing me finally got shot by a hunter for attacking his sheep.


"Backwards Down the Number Line" and "Alaska" by Phish will be huge.


I don't care much about people thinking I drink a lot or that I'm an alcoholic, I just don't want people to know that right now, listening to music in a dark room and drinking by myself that I am happier than 90% of the last 6 years of my life.


The bus, the bus, the bust, the bus driver, the bus driver's bust, it is never attractive. Being the boobs or the head and shoulder shot

The Ring Cycle

If my child's diaper added 4 bass notes to Bruce Springstein song he could shit out 'Gotterdammerung'.

The Norse knew what they were doing when the scared teh shit out of the kids with crazy stories at nigh.t

"Beast Wars" if the animals were Slovakian

Oranges don't talk shit to apples. Because they are always the underdog. You constantly hear APPLES vs. organges. Apples are always give first billing.

I prefer mangos.

The Voynich Manuscript of my Life

I've drank enough in the past to know that there is a point in much nights when I recognize that if I drink more I'm headed towards a black out or if I stop I'm just going to be drunk. I've decided to head down the blackout route for several reasons tonight. Let us see what happens.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Feather Dusters

One morning back in the summer of 2005 I was driving to work at ABXair/DHL and I saw in the middle of the road a bird that had been killed and a live bird standing next to it. They were assumedly intimate in one form or another. But many cars drove by and the living bird was almost crushed but never moved a talon. It was one of the most striking images of my life.

French Onion Soup and a BLT

I was at a restaurant the other day and order some unsweetened iced tea, of course the the flipper armed thalidomide child brought me sweetened. The raged swelled in me like the blood filling an erection and I finally erupted and only left him a 15% tip.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008


I was watching television and a commercial came on for Empire Carpet. A woman says, "I only paid for this much carpet," and she gesture to a small amount. She then said, "But I got this much carpet," motioning to her entire room carpeted from wall to wall. I wish could say that about the prostitute I had last night.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

God Bless America. Fourth of July

I remember a time, about 7 years ago, when I was not capable of jumping a hat. I put the hat on my head. A guy then jumped over me. He stuck his penis in my armpit, a bit of axiphilia.

Since that time I can't eat toast. The word 'toast' sounds so danish.

Penis. Condom. Hat.

That means practice safe sex kiddos. I don't fuck preggos.


Dude man, my onion winked at me. She said, I can't peel myself away from you. Then I took my santoku knife and cut the shit out of her. Just like Princess Di.