Bobby and lights

God damn, I have a cock; you have a cock or a vagina, or some odd combination of the two.

Want to meet for cocktails?

Many say no. So let's meet for wieners and tacos.

Providing common STD's

I don't want to blame my neighbors for herpes, but come on, they are whores. And they let me fuck their asses on day naught.

God Bless America. Fourth of July

I remember a time, about 7 years ago, when I was not capable of jumping a hat. I put the hat on my head. A guy then jumped over me. He stuck his penis in my armpit, a bit of axiphilia.


Since that time I can't eat toast. The word 'toast' sounds so danish.

Penis. Condom. Hat.

That means practice safe sex kiddos. I don't fuck preggos.

Woody Allen

Hats. Fucking hats. It is a bunch of dick ass guys who love to wear condoms who wear hats.

They say, "I'm not happy with my dick being wrapped up, so I'll shelter my other head".

The right moves

It isn't so much that I missed the right spot as much as she elevated her pelvis about two and a half inches.

How to Flirt

Whilst in the library the other day I noticed a cute girl. I thought that I'd catch her attention by doing something cute and funny. Sadly my actions didn't end with her pleasuring my moan inducing rod. I think she mistook my throwing some elephantine confetti at her as me simply launching a large stack of paper straight at her head.

Penis Tricks

Before I get to the main topic of this post you need to know that the name of my penis is 'Brown Crown One'.

I know many of my readers are fully aware of an act I commonly perform that has been dubbed 'The Ol' Penis Trick', but I feel I must explain it to those who are unfamiliar with this ability of mine. To put it simply, if I am presented with a test or exam I can flop out Brown Crown One on to the paper and let it rest for about 40 seconds, turn the test in and get at least a 97 on it. It works best when used with a biology or religion exam, because we all know how those two subjects love to dabble in people's sex lives.

Until recently, that was the only unique trick Brown Crown One could perform. Thankfully I have discovered a new penis trick, which has aptly been named 'The New Penis Trick'. The New Penis Trick was discovered out of necessity. A few days ago several of my chums were at our house wanting to play a video game. Sadly, no matter what anyone tried whenever the game was inserted sensually into the gaming console it would not work. Now, I don't like to be a hero, but I felt like god put me in that situation to save the day. I bravely stood up and walked over, snatched the disc from a friend and went to work. God, or maybe Tim, said to try touching Brown Crown One then touching the disc. I immediately thought that this was the most brilliant plan ever devised.

I touched Brown Crown One, through my jeans, not even skin-to-skin contact.

I touched the disc.

Restarted the system.

The game worked perfectly.

Brown Crown One can fix broken electronics.