To be an artichoke in spinach dip.

So I was shaving Brown Crown One's Lion Mane the other day and Mrs. Mustache On or Off said, "I don't want the leader of my pride to be completely bald."

*Side note-she was reading Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes tale "The Adventure of the Lion's Mane", and I knew so.

I shot back with the retort, "My pride shall stand taller in this vague and nebulous shrubbery."

Then we were thoroughly in a state of mirth.

Bibliophilia

I'm going to start collecting books. Not so I can read them, but so when the inevitable book burning begins, I'll be damn sure to have the biggest fire on the block. This is what you get for sleeping with Mrs. Mustache-On-or-Off, Johanson. Your kids will think you are not a man when they check out the size of my raging pillar of fire.