Nurses joke

When I worked as a sales associate at ACE hardware customers would often come in and ask for some tubing. I would ask what kind and i would list off the types we had available. I'd usually try to sneak in fallopian tubing and it would go unnoticed at first and the customer would realize what i said and say, "wait, isn't fallopian tubing the..."

"Vagina tubing, yes" I'd interject.

And we both would laugh. I'd lean back laughing uproariously and pat my belly and he would double over with a mighty guffaw and slap his knee.

He would then ask for about 10 feet, because it is hard to find fallopian tubing up for sale these days and you need to stock pile when you can.

David Ogilvy. Wiki

I want to initiate an initiative to ban advertisements from saying the phrase "_blank_ isn't the only thing. It is the only thing." I saw a movie, a cleaning product, and a period reducing hormone use that phrase in their commercial today. Come up with something original, like "Plug your ears, this movie will be loud. Plug your drains, this will clean your tub and shit. Plug your vagina."

There, I covered all three items in ease.

Flooring

I was watching television and a commercial came on for Empire Carpet. A woman says, "I only paid for this much carpet," and she gesture to a small amount. She then said, "But I got this much carpet," motioning to her entire room carpeted from wall to wall. I wish could say that about the prostitute I had last night.

Life's short. Talk Fast

Recently I've taken to yelling out "get me at dem gilmore girlz" whenever I enter a new setting. Sadly I have gotten at those lovable television characters. But much to my chagrin I have been brought the corpse of the poet Dame Mary Jean, and I don't fuck no dead pussy.