It ain't the club kid era

There was once a girl I really liked and she asked me back to here place. After a glass of wine I excused myself to the bathroom and found some hairspray. I immediately pulled my few remaining pubes out and sprayed them straight.

I went back to room and dropped my pants and said, "I'm so horny that not only is Brown Crown One erect but also my pubic hair is hard as a throbbing cock.



Later that night, I paid for a hooker.

That hooker later turned out to be a post office drop box. I lost 50 bucks and only ejaculated twice.

Providing common STD's

I don't want to blame my neighbors for herpes, but come on, they are whores. And they let me fuck their asses on day naught.

I shot my foot, but my foot was 50 Cent

I often wonder about the word 'legacy'. You'll meet some shaver who says "What's the legacy of mustard?". And it is an absolute waste of my time.

I was always confused until last night. I was having a God threesome and one of the girls takes a jalapeno pepper and, as I'm Flying Dragon the other chick, jams it right up my ass. And I couldn't help but think, 'what will be the legacy of this jalapeno pepper?'

Nurses joke

When I worked as a sales associate at ACE hardware customers would often come in and ask for some tubing. I would ask what kind and i would list off the types we had available. I'd usually try to sneak in fallopian tubing and it would go unnoticed at first and the customer would realize what i said and say, "wait, isn't fallopian tubing the..."

"Vagina tubing, yes" I'd interject.

And we both would laugh. I'd lean back laughing uproariously and pat my belly and he would double over with a mighty guffaw and slap his knee.

He would then ask for about 10 feet, because it is hard to find fallopian tubing up for sale these days and you need to stock pile when you can.

The Ted Kennedy Rule

Right now I am at home after going to a bar that sells very cheap pitchers of beer that is served to us by a waitress who knows my group of friends quite well. We don't have to show IDs and she automatically brings over the beer to us when we walk in.

But this post is not about that. This post is about the fact that I am drinking a fine smoked whiskey right now that a fellow left at my house. And that I am playing "Grandia" an RPG originally released for the first Playstation. Also, I'm listening to STS9.

So to sum up, never have a threesome with a blonde and a redhead. Shit won't balance out, trust me.

Volcan Raven

I was outside of my house and enjoying the fresh air when two non-sober gals walked by. They came up to me and started talking to me. I dropped the chlamydia word and they ran off with their juices retreating into their labium.

Left Turn by Tumbhill

God damn, nobody thinks I have anything of any substance to say.

But I still say, Yates and Schlosser are still using the American love of "Craziness due to God" defense to get off the hook.

And there are many others. Also I'm watching a commercial for 'Girls Gone Wild: The Craziest Bar in America"....one of the hottest commercials my young hot male body has seen.

French Onion Soup and a BLT

I was at a restaurant the other day and order some unsweetened iced tea, of course the the flipper armed thalidomide child brought me sweetened. The raged swelled in me like the blood filling an erection and I finally erupted and only left him a 15% tip.

Flooring

I was watching television and a commercial came on for Empire Carpet. A woman says, "I only paid for this much carpet," and she gesture to a small amount. She then said, "But I got this much carpet," motioning to her entire room carpeted from wall to wall. I wish could say that about the prostitute I had last night.

God Bless America. Fourth of July

I remember a time, about 7 years ago, when I was not capable of jumping a hat. I put the hat on my head. A guy then jumped over me. He stuck his penis in my armpit, a bit of axiphilia.


Since that time I can't eat toast. The word 'toast' sounds so danish.

Penis. Condom. Hat.

That means practice safe sex kiddos. I don't fuck preggos.

The right moves

It isn't so much that I missed the right spot as much as she elevated her pelvis about two and a half inches.

That look, to the left, no lazy eye left

I recently retreated to a local coffee shop and asked the barista for a straight black coffee. He obliged and then I saw a girl who was going to town on some pudding, and she was also quaintly cute. I've nine ball racked my brain and I believe she was eating some sort of vanilla pudding it was the creamy swollen white of a friend's hot mother's thighs crossing as she served you lemonade after a hot afternoon of croquet.

So kids, don't fuck goats, the hair on their chin is scratchy on your scrotum and it is illegal in most states.