Sushi

Mrs. Mustache On or Off always pictured you with a face. But you have none, such is the fatality of a scuttle fish affair.

Armageddon

The world ain't right man. My snarf doll doesn't say "snarf" after I tease and poke him anymore.

God only knows that this is not what I would ever choose to do, to anyone, ever.

Mario Batali fucked up the liquid on the pasta

Alfredo sauce done incorrectly tastes way way way too similar to the sweat of Rasputin. I'm not saying that is a bad nor a good thing. It is just a thing.

The shitty Mel Gibson movie

I walk down the street and look at other people. Everyone does this I'm sure. But I know if I showed off my ability to milk the shit out of an armadillo at anytime to any of these Eric Albins', even David Icke would get his ear drums hammered by a god damn sheep of a mallet.

Great song

Write it down
Just don't miss a year

Slight dryness
Comes down the back of neck

Forty Year Old Dead Man

I'm sweet. Your nipple. Fuck my left prostate exam.


If you don't come with hard shit, my life killers will fuck you up.

Future

I've talked to a few "human beings' while I can't I double quote.


"Human Beings" there we go. So I've talked to a few of these double quoters and my love for violence raises. Hats tossed, boots cut, hair trimmed. Huzzah.

Panathostqbndlgb.

Fuck this.

21st Century Jesus

I want the fucking cheese to stop.

I'm not you friend, I'm the famous band member, I'm not your family member, I'm not anything.

Just enjoy.

Someday, we'll know that the best art might come from John shitting on the Bus Station's Light.

The My Friend Diploma

About two years ago I had a friend who was part of a very, very small movement in the upper Ohio music scene. One of the sweetest girls I've met in my life.

She was passionate about music and about taking care of the people she cared about.


But she died. Her vagina shot fluid fucking everywhere. I was fine with it until I looked at the clock and couldn't read shit from the menstruation that bleed out of the more important notes.


Matching up the sprayed fluids and past known ciphers it was possible to solve the message.

And it meant nothing. It was the ravings of a woman in dehydration, that is all.

My lube is running dry

A random iTunes song is the same as saying I want a random person to make love to me. In the old days I could lie on the most satin bed and hope for Bea Arthur to ride my dick for hours, but if Dean Martin starts fucking my ass and I could do nothing until I expelled seminal fluid. But these days, once I see Dean with that look in his eyes I move over to Frank, and he reams the fuck out of me.


Napster? For hits?

Pre-Olympic Sports

Today was the MLB trade deadline. And there were quite a few blockbuster trades. None involving my favorite player though, Sandy Koufax.

His arm action was and still is almost unheard off. He was quasi-forced off the field. To me he is the Alisan Porter of baseball. Even though she obviously came years later. And fuck dodger dogs. Get more full of your self west coast. Yeah the east coast sucks and you try to pair up with them but you can do better.