I am now pretty late into my earthbound life. I figure, at best, I have 4 years left. So I've decided to follow my one true dream. And that dream is to be an actor.
Not just any damn actor, but the actor in infomercials who represents the old school way. I want to be the guy who shows how normal knives or ab workouts just don't cut it these days. All it takes it for you to hold a knife, try to cut a tomato, and then fuck it up so much that any way besides the new doesn't work. That usually means slashing at the item and make a mess and possible cutting yourself and throwing the knife to the side. Also it is all shot in black and white (to show the past) and big red 'X's over my hands. Or for the abs, I try to do a normal crunch and just gyrate the fuck out of myself on the ground without getting more than an inch off the ground and then hold my back showing how much the old workouts destroy my body.
I think I can actually do all that. Just be a complete fucktard and not know how to do simple everyday things. The best would be if they had a new ass wiping machine. I would shit and then just jam my hand up my ass with a roll of paper towel and look at the camera confused. We'd sell a deuce and a million.