Basketball player gives endorsement. George Washington bricks three.

Greg Oden is going to vote for Obama! Fuck my face.

Life's short. Talk Fast

Recently I've taken to yelling out "get me at dem gilmore girlz" whenever I enter a new setting. Sadly I have gotten at those lovable television characters. But much to my chagrin I have been brought the corpse of the poet Dame Mary Jean, and I don't fuck no dead pussy.

Longevity

People often ask me how I'm able to live so long, given my self-destructive lifestyle and my proclivity to making enemies. I live by three simple rules, follow these rules and you'll live a full long life like Honey Brown himself.

1. Never sit with your back to a door, that is the easiest way to get a poisonous dart in the neck. As learnt from Sealab 2021.

2. Never invite a vampire in, doing so will render you powerless. As learnt from The Lost Boys.

3. Don't be black. As learnt from many many horror, sci-fi, war, romantic-comedy, and silent movies.

Dicks on the T.V.

Everytime a commercial for Everest College comes on and the spokesman starts yelling at me for doing nothing with my life, I think about killing myself. But then that would mean that I have done something with my life and he'd have nothing to yell about anymore. So I'm not committing suicide just to piss off that guy.

Private Dick Work

I like to believe that if I were a detective the only cases I would take on are the ones that look like I will have to do some work in the vicinity of a good burrito joint. I bet that burritos make private eye work easier than if you ate a salad or anything of creole origin.

Kane-ing the King

AFI Top 100 review of Citizen Kane

1997 ranking - 1st
2007 ranking -1st
Released - 1941

A few opening remarks before I review.

1) This is the first review I've done of a movie that I haven't seen. I've caught a few scenes before but have never watched it all.

2) I watched this movie a friend's apartment. Why is that important to note? No, it wasn't due to the fact that I have a friend and I was allowed to go to her place, but because I feel that I was out of my element just a tad so I may not be bringing my best funk.

3) She wore a hat and I wore a suit...and I wore it well.

4) I was having my period at the time of viewing.

5) She received a phone call from a friend early on in the movie's run and we had to pause the movie and this created a disruption of the movie's flow...my flow was still heavy though.

6) I got a phone call in the last third of the movie, we had to pause the film again, but do to me being a man and not a woman I didn't fuck up the situation.

7) It was a Saturday, not unlike the Saturdays you read about in those Danielle Steel novels.

8) I never met Orson Welles, don't believe what the bitch Mike is saying.

Ok, onto the review.

The movie was good.

Rating: 8 mustache hairs in the mouth out of 10

Domestic Violence

I know there were a few quasi-domestic violence jokes in my last post, but I want it to be known that I do not condone anything like that. So I feel that I must post a sort of PSA to make up for it.

If you or anyone you know is part of domestic violence please call (734)-995-5444. This is a problem, and we can fix it.