Mutilation and Packaged Rice

We all know that is a cold hard scientific fact that masturbation causes blindness. We all also know we don't want to be shaking hands with someone who just jerked off. Therefore, I think we cut both hands off of any one who is blind, color blind, has a blind spot, has a bald spot, has a dog named spot, is blind to injustice, or who has just cut the tail off of three mice who may or may not have been blind. I don't want to touching any of those perverts hands.

Also, Rice-A-Roni is made in Chicago, not San Francisco, shit me on iron tire.