Kissing your knee won't make you not throw up

With the year 2012 coming up there are many thoughts about the apocalypse. Many from the Maya calendar. But I'm going to prop up a new position of thought. I think the world will end in 2012, around August. Mainly because of Rudolf Diesel.

He is, obviously the inventor of the diesel engine and thus gave life to modern day freaks, dead.

After his great creation he was lost 'overboard' the ship "Dresden", no one knows how he fell over or anything at all relating to his death.

I believe it was the machines giving birth to themselves through the destruction of their own creator, (a whole classical literature thing that I pop blood vessels upon) to rev up a revolution of diesel machines. Diesel machines having failed I now fear Chloe Sevigny, trying too hard to be it.

C. Palmer inside of Big Daddy Anderson

I drove to the store about a week ago. The store being Kroger. I came to a four way stop sign intersection. I put my hand out and gave the signal that a Major League Umpire gives for a home run. All cars respecting my stache floored it and collided.

Clearance

I have a confession to make, my left nipple has an awkward resemblance to an ovoid alien creature. Just more humanoid in nature. So to steal a name of a band "* ******* ******".

Numbers 2:12

Men eat popcorn like that. Women eat popcorn like this. I once stuck an ear of maize up a vagina and made cuntcorn.

That look, to the left, no lazy eye left

I recently retreated to a local coffee shop and asked the barista for a straight black coffee. He obliged and then I saw a girl who was going to town on some pudding, and she was also quaintly cute. I've nine ball racked my brain and I believe she was eating some sort of vanilla pudding it was the creamy swollen white of a friend's hot mother's thighs crossing as she served you lemonade after a hot afternoon of croquet.

So kids, don't fuck goats, the hair on their chin is scratchy on your scrotum and it is illegal in most states.

Tequila

The bottles of El Toro tequila have a tiny hat for the bottle cap. I like to wear the said hat on my penis. I go up to the ladies and have the following talk...

Me: I'm part mexican.

Lady: Really? How much?

Me: About eight inches.