Georgistan is not a good person

I hate the Atlanta Braves and everyone who ever played for them.  But hearing that Greg Maddux retired I had a variety of emotions.  

He was by far the best pure pitcher that I grew up watching.  Forget Randy and Roger, they had power but not the feel Greg did.  And compared to Gregory's fellow pitching staff, Tom Glavine and John Smolts, I know that Maddux is much better, also saying that both Tom and John are very very solid Hall of Fame candidates.  But, I hate Greg for everything he did to my Reds.  And knowing that, I assume there will be one baseball writer who doesn't vote for him on his first ballot.  So we'll continue the tradition of no unanimous baseball hall of famers.  No Ruth, no Aaron, no Mays, no Christ.  Which is fucked the prostate fucked up.  There should have been some guy in the past, and there wasn't, but we should punish the current guys.

Herbert Hoover kind of fucked up

I think Steve Buscemi got his right cheek vacuum fucked/sucked by David Oreck.

But he is still an oddly attractive man.  It must be his teeth.

I shot my foot, but my foot was 50 Cent

I often wonder about the word 'legacy'. You'll meet some shaver who says "What's the legacy of mustard?". And it is an absolute waste of my time.

I was always confused until last night. I was having a God threesome and one of the girls takes a jalapeno pepper and, as I'm Flying Dragon the other chick, jams it right up my ass. And I couldn't help but think, 'what will be the legacy of this jalapeno pepper?'

Tim Leary

When I kick my toe on a couch I often ask, "Why Jesus, why?". Most of the time he replies with, "Why not?" It is now that I question my Jewish faith.

If Jesus is such a dick, how can't he be real?

Judas before the offer

Every time I look at the carpet I'm afraid she has a message, like a vagina. Except she's not pink and I don't have to pay for it.

Nurses joke

When I worked as a sales associate at ACE hardware customers would often come in and ask for some tubing. I would ask what kind and i would list off the types we had available. I'd usually try to sneak in fallopian tubing and it would go unnoticed at first and the customer would realize what i said and say, "wait, isn't fallopian tubing the..."

"Vagina tubing, yes" I'd interject.

And we both would laugh. I'd lean back laughing uproariously and pat my belly and he would double over with a mighty guffaw and slap his knee.

He would then ask for about 10 feet, because it is hard to find fallopian tubing up for sale these days and you need to stock pile when you can.

fac-to-tum

I was in a bank when a masked man ran in with a gun and proceeded to hold up the depository. I was holding a carafe getting ready to pure my self some coffee when he told me to put it down and get on the floor. So I was faced with an option, give up and do what he said or take action and better the situation. I then remembered an old trick I was once taught that I felt was destined to help me in just this kind of happening. I shit and pissed my pants, that way the robber wouldn't want to eat it me since I had soiled myself.

First down.